Lucy has reflux. Bad. It is considered “silent reflux” … meaning that she screams and cries and pitches a royal FIT but doesn’t puke. Basically, baby heartburn.
Selfishly, I’m glad we don’t have puke, but it is still no fun at all to hear your baby cry all day long. To never be able to put your baby down and have her be happy. To be up 8 times a night. Yes, that really happened.
Please excuse me while I yawn a whole bunch.
Anyway, in dealing with this, we’ve tried a couple different medications, a couple different doses, I’m currently dairy-free (which means Thanksgiving will be a royal suckfest), but I’m still breastfeeding. I feel like we made it through the worst parts of breastfeeding, so if we can just get her medicine working right, then it will be easy. I think we are finally on the right road to finding the right dosage, though.
I’ll be honest. Formula has entered my mind many many times. I mean, this has been HARD. But the overwhelming thought is … what if we went to formula, my milk dried up, and then we had the same issues with formula? That would not be cool. And that would be expensive.
So … the whole point of THAT was to say that I’m tired. Exhausted. Basically, I’m in survival mode. And poor Lucy must be held and walked around about 19 hours a day.
And poor Emma is left to play on her own.
Luckily, we had a couple of computer boxes laying around from Ken’s job, and I turned one of them into a makeshift dollhouse, and it kept Emma entertained for hours today. HOURS.
So thank you, Dell, for shipping in sturdy boxes.
And thank you, Ken, for never throwing anything away.
And thank you, razor blade and markers, for making this box a home.
And thank YOU, friends, for not calling CPS over the fact that my daughter’s hair hasn’t been brushed in days.
[Pick your battles]
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Breastfeeding may be natural, but its definitely not easy!! I’m right there with you, just a few months down the road. My daughter has a dairy allergy so no milk for me either. Its overwhelming at first, but you do get adjusted to living dairy free. And honestly, its not all that bad. I thought about switching to formula many times as well, especially before we found out what Addie’s issues were and she was crying around. the. clock. But like you, I feared she would have the same issues on formula and weening her would be fruitless. I’m so glad I stuck with it, because it did get easier and it has ended up being a very fulfulling experience! Good luck to you and your family!
Melinda
ps-let me know if you’re interested in knowing how I survive being dairy free. I’ve found some great substitutions that taste great! Knowing how to eat and what to eat is half the battle :-)
Melinda´s last [type] ..Cristas In Love
Oh Kel…that just stinks. All of it. Except the super fab house you made. I will pray for little Lucy and the reflux.
life with kaishon´s last [type] ..It is one of the most beautiful compensations in life that no man can help another without helping himself Ralph Waldo Emerson
Breastfeeding, for many, is not easy, mostly because we didn’t grow up watching babies latch on, nurse on demand, comfort nurse or any of the other things that come naturally to most mammals.
I would think of your nursing relationship as a gift, especially if Lucy has a dairy allergy. Just think of what would have happened if you had put her on formula and she grew very, very ill from the cow’s milk. You are definitely doing the right thing!
(We are a mostly vegan family, too, so I have lots of resources for yummy dairy-free recipes including this one: http://godairyfree.org/). Good luck!
I know that must be really hard, Keli. I also feel really guilty sometimes when I’m busy with one child and the others have to entertain themselves, but sometimes, I think it’s a time of great creativity for them, and a time for them to discover that they are interesting people all on their own without me there throwing ideas and entertainment at them. And I have some great memories of games and plays I came up with when I was little and playing on my own. So don’t feel too bad about that part of it. And I agree, boxes are the best toys ever. My son spent MONTHS with one box when he was little – we cut a hole in the top and he would drop hot wheels cars into the hole, then crawl inside the box to get them, over and over and over. Prayers and hugs as you get through this difficult time with Lucy.
So sorry Lucy and you are going thru this. Hopefully her digestive track will mature soon and she will outgrow this.
Oh, mama, you are such an awesome mom-soldier. I really believe it’ll pass soon. You both will find your groove and it’ll slowly get easier over time.
Olivia never had reflux but she went through a particularly frustrating period of absolutely REFUSING to nurse on the left side. Nothing I did worked and my right side sometimes didn’t produce enough milk so I had to pump and bottles and crap while she’s lying there crying because she’s hungry but won’t nurse from the side that has milk.
I still have no idea what was up.
Took about two months but she grew out of it.
All that to say, Lucy will grow out of this and you will feel SO MUCH BETTER on the other side. I’m here for you, honey, and I am in your corner, cheering you on.
I am so sorry! I am definitely pro-breastfeeding, but maybe you could try formula, but pump. That way if it is the same she could go back to breastfeeding? maybe, i don’t know? just any idea. Breastfeeding is better, but it doesn’t help if you are exhausted and can’t get anything done. You do what feels right for you. Praying you get some rest soon.
Sarah´s last [type] ..Manic Monday
oh mama! you are making lemonade out of lemons.
Hang in there with the nursing. It is a lot of work, but in those moments when that sweet baby looks up at you and grins, isn’t it all worth the work :)
I love that Emma has found the joy in a big brown box!
hugs and strength
V
*hugs* Keli!
I know exactly what you are going through – we had the same thing + the puking, and I know it is no fun!
He was attached to me pretty much all the time he was an infant… it got easier as the time went by, especially as he got mobile and started eating solids. But he was on Zantac for almost a year…
Hang in there! It WILL get better!
Tanya´s last [type] ..Rainy Oregon
Do you have a vibrating chair you could set her in? I know you babywear. Lucas was a high needs baby when it came to being held. He had to be within 6 inches of my breasts until he was crawling. It will be easier once she’s moving around and sitting up on her own. :) You can make it.
Anyway you can get your SO to step in and hold her while you catch a few ZZZ’s?
Ashley´s last [type] ..Friday by Numbers
you are amazing, you are an inspirational mother. I have been living with a colicky baby for almost 4 months now and I can sympathize with the fatigue and the heartache at seeing your little one hurt so much. thank you for sharing, reading your posts remind me that its all about love in the end. this too shall pass, right?:) Soon your wee one will be helping her big sister build those cardboard houses.
melissa´s last [type] ..Miniatures