From the category archives:

honest blogging

enough

April 7, 2011

Okay, it’s time for me to say something that has been on my mind for a while. And it hit me so hard last night while I was taking a shower, I had to leave my husband snoring in the bed and my two kids snuggled in their beds to come downstairs and type it at ~~12:13am~~ 1:08am.

ENOUGH.

Enough with the mommy wars.

Enough with the mom guilt.

Enough with the passive-aggressive crap that is spouted all over twitter and facebook and blogs.

Enough with the holier-than-thou attitudes and the one-right-way parenting diatribes.

ENOUGH.

We are all mothers, for goodness’ sake. We all love our children. Our soul desire is to take care of our children.

So, guess what?

WE ARE ON THE SAME SIDE!

I know the world isn’t in black and white, but there are really no “shades of gray” when it comes to being a good parent. There are parents who love their kids and take care of their kids and there are parents who don’t. I’m hesitant to even call those people “parents,” but that’s beside the point.

Yes, there are varying ways to love your child and take care of your child, but if your goal is to have a child who is healthy, educated, clothed, fed and loved, then you are doing it right. If you want what is best for your child, then you are a good parent.

For the sake of argument, I realize there are abusers out there who are abusing their children because they think that is the way to love their child. I’m clearly not talking about them here.

There are children out there who don’t have homes. There are children out there being abused as you are reading this. There are children out there who are bouncing from one shelter to another, scared for their lives. There are children out there who don’t have clean drinking water. I could go on for days.

And you want to spout off at a mom who is supplementing with formula after her baby hasn’t gained weight for MONTHS? [That mom is feeding her baby. There are plenty of “moms” out there who don’t.]

You’re worried about whether or not someone is feeding their kid store bought baby food or letting their kid eat organic spinach grown on a special worm-free farm in Boise? [Again, baby is being fed. Period.]

You’re going to get all huffy because someone turned their baby forward-facing before they turned 7 years old? [That mom is putting her baby in a car seat. There are plenty of “moms” out there who don’t. Or who intentionally leave their babies in hot cars so they can go drink in a bar. Or who leave their babies at home alone so that they can go to the gas station and get a pack of cigarettes. Or who smoke in the car with their baby. There are also moms who need their babies to be forward-facing so that they can watch to make sure their babies aren’t having seizures. I know one of those moms, and she is awesome.]

You’re going to roll your eyes because that baby is in a disposable diaper? [There are babies out there who are sitting in their own filth for days because their parents don’t care enough about them to change their diapers.]

Don’t get me wrong.

I have been that mom. The one who has rolled her eyes and tsk-tsk’d. I have judged. I have made passive-aggressive statements. I have felt like I was a “better mom” than so-and-so, because I did such-and-such.

But in almost every situation, that mom wasn’t doing anything wrong. She was just doing things differently than I do things. And you know what? I know moms have rolled their eyes at me. Yes! Really!! Because I am not perfect. I have done things that are not included in the Holy Grail of Motherhood.

But I’m still a GREAT mother.

I practiced baby-led eating with Emma, but Lucy needed food in her tummy at 6.5 months to help with her reflux, so she gets baby food from a spoon. I’m still a GREAT mother.

I turned Emma forward facing in her car seat at 20 months because she hated riding backwards. I’m still a GREAT mother.

I quit using cloth diapers with Lucy because she started to fuss whenever she wore them. I don’t understand why she hates them so much, but I’m still a GREAT mother.

I babywear my child not out of close’ness or attachment, but out of necessity to be able to get things done. I’m not afraid to admit that. I’m still a GREAT mother.

I formula fed Emma because she refused to breastfeed and pumping made me into a mom that I didn’t want to be. I’m still a GREAT mother.

We don’t co-sleep, because I need to have my own space at night in order to be a GREAT mother.

We are on a delayed vaccination schedule, but my kids get all vaccinations recommended by their pediatrician. I’m still a GREAT mother.

We don’t always eat at the table. Emma eats candy. I give her a little soda here and there. I let her watch too much tv. I buy her way too many toys.

But I am a GREAT mother.

Because I love my children. And throughout our day, I do what is best for them. I make decisions based on their needs and well-being, not my selfish desires.

And so do most of you.

So instead of having your bio read something like this …

babywearing, cloth diapering, extended rear-facing, delayed/selective/non-vaccinating, breastfeeding, non-chemical using, only healthy food feeding, co-sleeping, ec’ing, breastfeeding, non-yelling, perfect mother

… how about we all have something more like this?

loving, caring, taxi driving, homework helping, boo-boo kissing, tear wiping, bottom cleaning, swing pushing, shoe tying, pants buttoning, lunch making, hair brushing, soccer shorts washing, hand holding, back patting, lap snuggling, teeth flossing, burden bearing, worrying, life dropping, crazy awesome mother

We are all women (or men) who have given up a part of ourselves to be mothers (or fathers). We do our best to take care of our children and meet all of their needs. And at the end of the day, we tuck our kids into their beds … or our bed [heh] … and we tell them that we love them. And we mean it.

And that is really all that matters.

{ 169 comments }

are you guys going to try for a boy?

February 23, 2011

in emma,honest blogging,lucy

{sigh}

That question? Annoys me. Frankly, it offends me. Like our two girls aren’t “enough”? Like we are somehow incomplete because we have all girls … right down to our two dogs, who are also girls, btw!

I don’t know if I’ve ever said that to anyone before, but I really really hope not. If I did, I am sure it was in my pre-baby days. When I was stupid.

Oh, who are we kidding … I still say stupid things. I wished happy birthday to the wrong kid the other day. And then realized it about an hour later when I was doing laundry. That’s how my mind works, you know. I type quickly, I hit enter, I go back and think about what I typed later. This is probably not the smartest way of dealing with people online, but I’m working on it.

Anyway, I get that question a lot. And while I usually feel like going into a discourse about how it shouldn’t matter if we have two girls or eight boys or twenty-seven unicorns, I always say the same thing … Nope. We are very happy with our girls.

And it’s 100% true.

A thousand percent true.

Times twelve.

I can’t imagine life with a boy, now.

Truthfully, when we found out Emma was a girl, we were both disappointed. {gasp} For about 7 seconds. And then we realized that we were lucky to have a healthy baby, and from then on, we’ve been head over heels in love with her.

And Emma is the most fearless, outgoing, wild, non-stop, dirt-loving, animal-crazy, bug-poking kid I know. I don’t think having a boy would be that different. Maybe more trucks and less Strawberry Shortcake.

With Lucy? I was just shocked she was a girl.

I mean, their pregnancies were as different as they could possibly be.

My first pregnancy was a dream. No morning sickness, no discomfort, not much sleeplessness, unbelievable energy the whole time, I felt amazing from day one until day 265 … basically, the kind of pregnancy that makes most pregnant women want to punch me.

My 2nd pregnancy was not as fun. Loooots of morning sickness, looots of discomfort, mandatory bed rest, bad sleeplessness, exhaustion, a 24-hour bug that stole 9lbs from me, and then it all ended rather abruptly a little earlier than I would have liked.

Truthfully, we decided when I was pregnant with Lucy, before we found out that she was a girl, that it wouldn’t matter to us her gender. We would stop at two.

But I think the last pregnancy + somewhat traumatic delivery really solidified our decision.

It’s funny to even say “traumatic delivery” now, because look at her. Look at how much she has grown in the past [almost] six months. Who would even guess that she arrived five weeks early?

Seriously. LOOK AT THOSE THIGHS!!

{And I know that looks like a burnt-down match on her exersaucer behind her feet, but I know it’s not. I don’t know what it is, but it is NOT a match. I promise.}

But to answer the question once and for all …

No, we will NOT be “trying for a boy.”

Or for another girl.

We are so massively in love with our two girls that I’m not sure we’d have room in our hearts for another.

Oh, I kid. Of course I’m kidding. I know that there’s always room in your heart for whatever your heart can hold. I mean, I didn’t think my heart could hold love for another baby after spending over 3 years with just Emma. But sure enough …

… my heart expanded. Or grew. Or did some spring cleaning.

And Lucy just fit right in from the second I heard her little cry in the OR. Kind of like how she fits right into our family.

Our girls don’t take up much space, now … but boy do they fill our hearts.

{for those wondering, Emma’s shirt was made by me, jeggings from Target, shoes are Simple from 6pm.com}

I actually had a lot more typed up, but I just decided to stop there. I hope that if you know me or just read my blog, that you’ll understand that I have nothing against large families or three children or one child or no children or boys or girls or twins or cats. Okay, I don’t like cats. But I choose to share what works for us because that’s what is in my heart. This post, in no way, is meant to be a dig at anyone for deciding to have children differently than we did. It IS, however, a dig at the people who keep asking me if we’re going to try for a boy, because that’s just annoying.

{ 49 comments }

taking it back

February 10, 2011

in emma,honest blogging,lightroom presets,lucy,photography

I’m moving my photos for the Joy of Love project to Flickr … I really want to keep doing it, but I just can’t keep blogging about it. Blogging about each image creates too much pressure to say lots of stuff when I don’t have much time these days.

Why, you ask? Well…

Emma is producing more snot than a Mucinex commercial. And while she can blow, she can’t wipe it away. Just imagine that for a second. Blowing snot out of her nose, not wiping it away. Yes, it’s just as gross as it sounds.

Lucy has her first ear infection. And this is after having to wait 2 weeks for her reflux medicine to climb out from under the snow in Missouri, filling a $90 prescription that doesn’t work that well in the meantime.

Trying to book our vacation has become a calamity of epic proportions. When they say owning a timeshare makes things easier, they are apparently 84 year olds who are bored and have plenty of time to sit on the phone and chat with various resorts.

Our house is a wreck because of the above issues.

I’m trying … I’m really really trying to find positives, so here we go.

My girls are awesome.

My Emma is loads of fun, even when she’s sick.

My Lucy is growing and changing and becoming so much more active, and I adore every chubby lubby inch of her.

Sometimes, I actually get a nap from both girls at once. It’s like the heavens open up and angels start singing.

I don’t have to rearrange work schedules or caretakers or daycare when my girls are sick. I get to stay home and snuggle with them and watch movies and nurse the sick baby around the clock without having to worry about anything else. I am so very very lucky to be able to do that.

{I hate my hair right now}

I love the gobs of natural light in my house. I wouldn’t know what to do with a flash if it walked up and slapped me in the face. Of course, if a flash could walk and slap, then maybe I wouldn’t have to know what I’m doing … maybe he would just do everything. But anyway, I couldn’t get half of the everyday shots I get without our light.

I have the opportunity to test some amaaaaaazing black and white Lightroom presets from Kellie Hatcher, and they are fabulous. All of the b&w images (except for the first picture of the girls in their tubs) are processed with her presets. LOVE.

So there we go. I’m feeling better already.

{ 19 comments }

year of positive thinking

February 1, 2011

in emma,honest blogging,lucy

February 1st.

Wow, one month in, and this has already been kind of a rough year. We’ve all gotten sick, including the baby, and let me just say … sick babies are hard. Almost as hard as sick husbands. {wink} Emma is easy when she’s sick … she’ll just sit and watch movies and snuggle. As for me? Well, you know what they say … moms don’t get sick days.

But it was a blog post I stumbled upon that spoke about choosing gratitude. Choosing to think positively. That blog post really knocked me upside the head. [I wish I could remember where it was, but I didn’t add it to my favorites, and now I can’t find it.]

I find myself complaining way too often these days. Complaining about trivial things, things that absolutely do NOT matter in the grand scheme of things.

It’s sad, really. I am constantly reminded of how good I have it, yet I still find something to complain about on a daily basis.

I often fail to see the good around me. The amazing things I have in my life. The roof over my head. The car sitting in the garage. The garage. The space heater I have at my feet. Appropriate clothing for whatever the weather brings. A warm bed. A BED.

Two kids who are so darn happy to have each other, I can hear the giggles all the way upstairs.

We are so lucky.

I have a wonderful husband who works SO hard to provide for us. Did you know he works three jobs? He does. He has a full-time job as a computer programmer, he has his own business taking care of a couple of office network systems, and he teaches [online and night courses]. On top of that, he’s an amazing daddy and husband.

I also have a three-year old who is crazy smart {too smart}, funny, wildly independent at times, yet also very attached, an adoring big sister, the twinkle in my eye, the one who made me a mommy, and the light of our lives.

And a five-month old who is healthy, pudgy, adorable, thriving, cute cute cute, crazy about her momma, a miracle, the scar on my tummy, and the heart of our family.