i was a much better wife and mom before i actually became a wife and mom.

Canon 50D • 85mm • ISO 100 • f2.5 • shutter speed: 1/8000

We were at the downtown art fair.

There were thousands of people around. Very close. Mingling and talking. Bumping into her.

She clung to her daddy’s neck like it was her lifeline. She hid her face often. She didn’t look anyone in the eye.

I even rolled my eyes a little when I saw kids her age running after the cartoon characters that were at the fair, because I knew she would just cry and hold on a little tighter.

She did.

I took a few pictures, trying to capture the gorgeous sunlight behind her and her daddy.

And when this one came up on the computer screen at home, I cried.

I got up from my computer, grabbed her and hugged her tight.

And she said, “I sure do love you, mommy.”

And I promised never to roll my eyes at her shyness again.

Let’s face it, nearly 3 is going to either drive me completely insane or totally kill me. Seriously.

THE WHINING!!! I CANNOT TAKE THE CONSTANT WHINING!!!

I know people say that 2 is hard (ha!!) or 4 is hard, 5 is hard, 6 is hard … but I have SO many friends who have said that this 2-almost-3 + just-turned-3 stage is the worst stage of a kid’s parent’s life. And I believe them.

WHY WON’T SHE EAT ANYTHING ANYMORE?

I truly want to skip over the next few months and work our way into three-and-three-quarters, please.

IF SHE COMES OUT OF HER ROOM AT NIGHT ONE MORE TIME, I’M GOING TO PUT A DEADBOLT ON THE OUTSIDE OF HER DOOR!

Anyway.

Isn’t this a peaceful picture?

Let’s take a closer look.

Arms are crossed. Pouting lip fully extended. Tears inevitable. Because I wouldn’t let her jump into the fast-moving river and pet the ducks. The horror!

But then there are moments … wonderful wonderful moments … when the stars align and earth is rotating at just the right speed …

And I say to myself, “Man. I am so lucky.”

And then she whines at me to quit talking to myself.

Some days, I go through my uploaded pictures in Lightroom and reject all of them.

And then some days, I can’t help it … I catch my breath.

The hair blowing in the wind. The framing of the shelter she was sitting under. The symmetric trees in the background. Her. She just takes my breath away.

And then mere minutes later, she shows up with this.

A tadpole!!!

[cue sanitizing gel]

Ken was playing tennis, and one of his teammates brought his kids. Emma immediately said, “Can I go play with them?” And off she went.

The little boy was busy digging for tadpoles the entire time, but when they weren’t running obstacle courses and drinking 8 gallons of water from the water fountain, the girl shared her Nintendo DS with Emma.

I actually learned a lesson or two from this 8-year old. She was so patient with Emma, and when Emma wanted to play this one game over and over and over and over again, the sweet girl just sat there and said, “Okay. That’s my favorite game, too.”

Unlike me, who sometimes gets so tired of Emma playing the same games over and over and over that I hide them way up high in the hall closet.

She also sat and showed Emma how to play different games, how to change the settings, how to make different shapes – and never once did she get exasperated with Emma’s lack of patience.

And when her and her brother wanted to do an obstacle course, but Emma took off running instead, they didn’t yell at her to come back and do what THEY wanted to do – they just shrugged and ran after her.

Yes, I could definitely learn a thing or two from these amazing kids.

Interested in learning more about photography? Want to get everything you can out of your camera? Well, I’m throwing out a challenge over here today.

It was actually a good reminder for myself since I wrote it a few weeks ago and was already getting blah about my photography this year.

Let me also just throw out a blanket apology – for not posting much here, for not posting comments on your blogs, for not being as active on Twitter.

Bottom line? I’m pooped.

Emma has been a little more clingy than usual lately, and it’s taking a lot out of me on a daily basis. I just can’t sit at the computer much without her needing me to do something with her. She’s very needy, very much bored with everything she owns.

Just today, I spent a good 10 minutes getting paints out for her to play with, spreading paper on the floor, getting a cup of rinse water and a towel for drying – and then she painted for, oh, about 4 minutes. And then I cleaned up.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not complaining about her. Just stating the facts of our life right now. She’s two. And she wants to experiment with new things every day. And my job is to take care of her needs. And we’re dealing with it and getting through it. Eventually, we’ll get our groove back, but for now, she needs me more than I need to be online.

emma is about to be 29 months old.

twenty-NINE months on this earth. and i feel like i’ve spent about 3 days with her.

don’t get me wrong, we do everything together. she doesn’t sit in front of the tv and veg all day while i do other things. we play and draw and paint and do puzzles.

we read a lot.

we even clean together.

but there are still hours going by that i can’t account for. at the end of the day, i wonder what happened during her 12 hours of awake time.

the minute i put her down to bed, i miss her. i plan amazing things to do the next day, and then the next day is over, and my list is still sitting there.

life goes by SO fast, and i’m going to miss it if i don’t start living it.

and enjoying the moments i have with her.

because she’ll be going off to college in about 3 minutes.

7:19pm …

7:20pm …

She literally cannot sit still for one minute.

Now you know why we need naps every day.

And why for the past 2 days, I have been banging my head against a wall while she chatters, sings, yells and anything else she possibly can to avoid taking a nap.

Yesterday, she even said, “I’m not taking a nap! Do you understand me??”

She’s only 28 months old … please tell me naps are not over.

Please?!?!?!

I recently had one of those days. The kind where I sat down at the end of the day and realized that I spent the entire day saying things like “no, don’t touch that!” or “no, your water does NOT belong on the floor!” or “stopthatrightnow!”

I would much rather use positive reinforcement and redirection, but when I’m having to do it 472 times a day, I run out of ways to direct her.

It’s just easier to say “no.”

After I’ve put her to bed, I often stand outside her door and re-do the entire day using only loving words. I imagine myself being more level-headed and kind. I pretend that I didn’t yell once. I beat myself up over the things I said.

I remind myself that I’m human. But I still feel like I just didn’t do anything right.

And then, we go to the zoo.

I see her feeding an aoudad, whispering to him, being so gentle. I see her talking to the baby goats with such love and kindness.

And I realize that … I’m doing fine.

Everyone has bad days. Everyone makes mistakes. But as long as I counteract those mistakes with love and kindness and laughter, she’ll be okay.

We’ll be okay.

ps :: those awesome ladies over at I ♥ Faces let me post again today.

I’ve actually had a few people ask me how we got E to use the potty so easily. Oh guys, nothing’s easy. But we are very lucky that the first week or so has been easier than I expected.

I’m not a parenting expert – I’ll be the first to admit that I Googled pretty much everything I did with my child for the first year of her life.

But as time went on, I realized that the internet doesn’t have all the answers. And even when it does have answers, they are often WRONG for the person reading the answers.

So this is how I got ready for potty training with Emma.

Seriously, I have not researched this at all.

I’ve let her go diaper’less for a couple of months just to get the hang of learning that you need to go to the potty when you feel the urge. It just made sense. I mean, when I get undressed and turn the shower on, I always always ALWAYS have to go to the bathroom. Am I right?

I didn’t set a date for her to start wearing underwear. We had three pairs that my mom gave us, she found them when “cleaning out her drawers” and I told her that they were big girl panties – they were what she would wear when she didn’t want to wear diapers any more.

She seemed to like them, but they are size 4T, so quite large. I let her pick out a 3-pack of the same undies in a 2T the next time I thought about it as we were walking through Target. It wasn’t a special trip or anything – just a normal shopping excursion.

She asked to wear them when she saw them in the laundry pile, so I said, “Sure!” She had an accident in them. I said, “Honey, try not to pee-pee in your panties. Try to pee-pee on the potty!” She had another accident a little later. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I started taking her to the bathroom every 30 minutes, and that worked. Everything we’ve done has just been “feeling around in the dark” – looking for her cues.

So here is my big, huge, motherly advice …

step 1: go with the flow

step 2: let your kid pick out their own underwear

step 3: have fun with it

step 4: expect accidents

step 5: give lots of praise and love and hugs and kisses

and finally …

step 6: relax and enjoy this time, because you will soon realize that you miss the snuggly, cuddly diaper sessions. it’s just not as much fun to snuggle and cuddle and tickle when they’re sitting on a toilet.

And some not-so-legit advice …

Try to laugh about the fact that the only potty at the town you are visiting on your first BIG outing out of the house without diapers is a PORTA-POTTY.

Don’t swear in front of your kid when she pees on your hand as you’re pulling her panties down in the McDonald’s restroom.

Learn to say “Do you need to use the potty?” in pretty much any place, at any time, in any situation.

And keep gallons of Purell in your car.