I think I’ve mentioned it here before, but I run three mornings a week with Emma’s K-3 teacher, who is also one of our neighbors, who is also a good friend. We’ll call her Mrs. B.

Anyway, I mentioned to her during one of our earrrrrly morning runs that we were having some issues with Emma coming into our room in the middle of the night, climbing into our bed, and sleeping restlessly until 6:30 or so. 

Friends, co-sleeping is just not for us.

She wakes us up, she flails her arms and kicks her legs, she shoves her knee into my back, she smacks Ken in the face, we all sleep horribly, and we are totally crankypants the next day.

So I talked about it with Mrs. B, hoping that she maybe had some wisdom to impart, being a mom of four and a K-3 teacher. And she had an amazing idea … a sticker chart. And at the end of 7 days of stickers, she would take Emma out for ice cream.

Perfect!

I just have to say … Mrs. B is AMAZING! She gave Emma several letters to encourage her along the way.

She would put them in either her or our mailbox, which was even more fun for Emma, because checking the mail is one of her most favorite things to do. Seeing her name on an envelope? SQUEE!

Every night, when we were putting her to bed, we would remind her — only __ more days until you get ice cream with Mrs. B! You can do it! We are so proud of you!!

We had to start over a couple of times, and we had to send her back to bed a couple of times. But this past Saturday, she finally did it!! Seven whole nights in her bed!

The final sticker!

And Mrs. B. was coming to take her out for ice cream!!! Oh, the excitement was hilarious and so so sweet.

She just kept saying, “Mrs. B lives that way, so she’ll be coming down this road. And I’m going to watch for her red car.” And every time a different car drove by, “Nope. That’s not her.”

It was so adorable.

I had to eat some lunch, so she ran downstairs and out the front door where she promptly plopped down on the porch steps to watch and wait.

Once Mrs. B arrived, I slapped Emma’s carseat into her car, and off they went. They ended up going to Yogurt Mountain, and before you think, “Oh, good … she went healthy!” Emma mentioned marshmallow syrup [??}, chocolate syrup, animal cookies, candy sprinkles and sour fish. [I told Mrs. B that she could have whatever she wanted, btw]

Sounds absolutely disgusting, but look!

So happy.

[I know she’s my kid, but … isn’t she just the cutest thang??]

Afterwards, Mrs. B’s daughter invited Emma over to their house, so she had an extra playdate on top of the frozen yogurt! AND I got some more alone-time since Lucy napped almost the whole time. Wheeeee!! It ended up being a treat for Emma AND for me! ;)

So thank you, Mrs. B for a wonderful afternoon for my sweet girl.

I only wish that the “staying in bed” thing had stuck. Ah well … here we go again.

We all know that life is never black and white. Never. Ever. And when you have kids, that becomes even MORE apparent.

I mailed off two parenting books to two mommas because I don’t use them.

I’m totally not being all “well, pat myself on the back” about not using them. I just can’t seem to read and then do. I can’t do it with anything – photography books, history books, parenting books. I think of myself as a visual learner, but I actually learn the best by just doing. I lead a mistake-ridden life, but I do learn from those mistakes. Usually.

I really dislike the titles that fly around the internets, but if I had to apply a title to myself, I’d say that I follow the What Feels Right Method of parenting.

New moms or dads or parents-to-be, don’t Google it. It doesn’t exist. I sometimes wish I knew what I was doing or had more of A PLAN, but I pretty much do what feels like the best thing to do at any given time.

There are days where I let Emma just do some quiet time in her room with a movie or a pile of books or some quiet toys. But then there are days when I remove everything and tell her to go. to. sleep. for. the. love. of. your. momma. GO. TO. SLEEP.

There are days when I care very much about what she is eating or drinking, and I keep sweets to a minimum, and I dole out only fruits or veggies for snacks. But then there are days when I let her have frozen yogurt with marshmallows and chocolate syrup and gummi bears. And then a popsicle from the ice cream truck later that same day. I know!! You might as well call CPS right now.

There are days when I run to pick Lucy up every single time she whines … and there are days when I finish what I’m doing and then casually walk over to get her up from the pile of tears she has melted into in those 2 and a half minutes. Because, y’all … Lucy cries about a lot of stuff. And she goes from squeak to FACE IS MELTING OFF in about 12 seconds.

The list goes on. Obviously, no matter how you parent, consistency is key. And we try to maintain a good balance around here. We don’t bounce all over the place and have different rules based on our moods or anything. We follow the same general guidelines on a daily basis. But I like to throw a curveball sometimes … solely to see the look on Emma’s face.

Like chasing down the ice cream truck tonight AFTER she had already had a frozen yogurt? SO WORTH the excitement of watching her run down the sidewalk behind me.

Actually, I’m writing up a blog post about a recent chain of events that lead to Emma getting taken out for that frozen yogurt by my running partner / her K3 teacher. And it was something that took WEEKS of consistency.

But there are some days when we let the rules fly out the window and just have fun. Snuggle in bed together waaaaay past bedtime. Have popsicles with all sorts of crazy fake colors that are probably going to give my kid some kind of ulcer. Ignore the fact that she’s reading instead of napping, because she’s reading. And quiet.

Skip baths to spend more time snuggling or reading before bed. Or tickling babies.

Throw a mattress on the floor and let Emma jump off of every inanimate object in our living room, because it is just too. hot. to play outside.

Etc.

So … I guess what brought this up is the fact that I was going through some images and converting them to black and white to print & hang for our master bedroom makeover that is going to be taking place very soon. I whispered that because I know I’ve mentioned this before, and I’ve even had my finger hovering over the “buy it now” on some custom flooring at Home Depot for months. But something else always comes up. Until now. I can’t do this carpet any longer. I can’t do these “builder white” walls any longer. I just can’t.

So. From editing photos to a post about parenting … that’s how MY mind works.

Can you see the SMILES??

[all images edited with one of my own b&w presets that I’ve sat on for about a year now … still iffy about it]

And how are you doing today?

Okay, it’s time for me to say something that has been on my mind for a while. And it hit me so hard last night while I was taking a shower, I had to leave my husband snoring in the bed and my two kids snuggled in their beds to come downstairs and type it at 12:13am 1:08am.

ENOUGH.

Enough with the mommy wars.

Enough with the mom guilt.

Enough with the passive-aggressive crap that is spouted all over twitter and facebook and blogs.

Enough with the holier-than-thou attitudes and the one-right-way parenting diatribes.

ENOUGH.

We are all mothers, for goodness’ sake. We all love our children. Our soul desire is to take care of our children.

So, guess what?

WE ARE ON THE SAME SIDE!

I know the world isn’t in black and white, but there are really no “shades of gray” when it comes to being a good parent. There are parents who love their kids and take care of their kids and there are parents who don’t. I’m hesitant to even call those people “parents,” but that’s beside the point.

Yes, there are varying ways to love your child and take care of your child, but if your goal is to have a child who is healthy, educated, clothed, fed and loved, then you are doing it right. If you want what is best for your child, then you are a good parent.

For the sake of argument, I realize there are abusers out there who are abusing their children because they think that is the way to love their child. I’m clearly not talking about them here.

There are children out there who don’t have homes. There are children out there being abused as you are reading this. There are children out there who are bouncing from one shelter to another, scared for their lives. There are children out there who don’t have clean drinking water. I could go on for days.

And you want to spout off at a mom who is supplementing with formula after her baby hasn’t gained weight for MONTHS? [That mom is feeding her baby. There are plenty of “moms” out there who don’t.]

You’re worried about whether or not someone is feeding their kid store bought baby food or letting their kid eat organic spinach grown on a special worm-free farm in Boise? [Again, baby is being fed. Period.]

You’re going to get all huffy because someone turned their baby forward-facing before they turned 7 years old? [That mom is putting her baby in a car seat. There are plenty of “moms” out there who don’t. Or who intentionally leave their babies in hot cars so they can go drink in a bar. Or who leave their babies at home alone so that they can go to the gas station and get a pack of cigarettes. Or who smoke in the car with their baby. There are also moms who need their babies to be forward-facing so that they can watch to make sure their babies aren’t having seizures. I know one of those moms, and she is awesome.]

You’re going to roll your eyes because that baby is in a disposable diaper? [There are babies out there who are sitting in their own filth for days because their parents don’t care enough about them to change their diapers.]

Don’t get me wrong.

I have been that mom. The one who has rolled her eyes and tsk-tsk’d. I have judged. I have made passive-aggressive statements. I have felt like I was a “better mom” than so-and-so, because I did such-and-such.

But in almost every situation, that mom wasn’t doing anything wrong. She was just doing things differently than I do things. And you know what? I know moms have rolled their eyes at me. Yes! Really!! Because I am not perfect. I have done things that are not included in the Holy Grail of Motherhood.

But I’m still a GREAT mother.

I practiced baby-led eating with Emma, but Lucy needed food in her tummy at 6.5 months to help with her reflux, so she gets baby food from a spoon. I’m still a GREAT mother.

I turned Emma forward facing in her car seat at 20 months because she hated riding backwards. I’m still a GREAT mother.

I quit using cloth diapers with Lucy because she started to fuss whenever she wore them. I don’t understand why she hates them so much, but I’m still a GREAT mother.

I babywear my child not out of close’ness or attachment, but out of necessity to be able to get things done. I’m not afraid to admit that. I’m still a GREAT mother.

I formula fed Emma because she refused to breastfeed and pumping made me into a mom that I didn’t want to be. I’m still a GREAT mother.

We don’t co-sleep, because I need to have my own space at night in order to be a GREAT mother.

We are on a delayed vaccination schedule, but my kids get all vaccinations recommended by their pediatrician. I’m still a GREAT mother.

We don’t always eat at the table. Emma eats candy. I give her a little soda here and there. I let her watch too much tv. I buy her way too many toys.

But I am a GREAT mother.

Because I love my children. And throughout our day, I do what is best for them. I make decisions based on their needs and well-being, not my selfish desires.

And so do most of you.

So instead of having your bio read something like this …

babywearing, cloth diapering, extended rear-facing, delayed/selective/non-vaccinating, breastfeeding, non-chemical using, only healthy food feeding, co-sleeping, ec’ing, breastfeeding, non-yelling, perfect mother

… how about we all have something more like this?

loving, caring, taxi driving, homework helping, boo-boo kissing, tear wiping, bottom cleaning, swing pushing, shoe tying, pants buttoning, lunch making, hair brushing, soccer shorts washing, hand holding, back patting, lap snuggling, teeth flossing, burden bearing, worrying, life dropping, crazy awesome mother

We are all women (or men) who have given up a part of ourselves to be mothers (or fathers). We do our best to take care of our children and meet all of their needs. And at the end of the day, we tuck our kids into their beds … or our bed [heh] … and we tell them that we love them. And we mean it.

And that is really all that matters.

How to get things done when you have a newborn and still have to make dinner, clean the house, do laundry, and take care of a 3-year old …

i was a much better wife and mom before i actually became a wife and mom.

Canon 50D • 85mm • ISO 100 • f2.5 • shutter speed: 1/8000

We were at the downtown art fair.

There were thousands of people around. Very close. Mingling and talking. Bumping into her.

She clung to her daddy’s neck like it was her lifeline. She hid her face often. She didn’t look anyone in the eye.

I even rolled my eyes a little when I saw kids her age running after the cartoon characters that were at the fair, because I knew she would just cry and hold on a little tighter.

She did.

I took a few pictures, trying to capture the gorgeous sunlight behind her and her daddy.

And when this one came up on the computer screen at home, I cried.

I got up from my computer, grabbed her and hugged her tight.

And she said, “I sure do love you, mommy.”

And I promised never to roll my eyes at her shyness again.

Let’s face it, nearly 3 is going to either drive me completely insane or totally kill me. Seriously.

THE WHINING!!! I CANNOT TAKE THE CONSTANT WHINING!!!

I know people say that 2 is hard (ha!!) or 4 is hard, 5 is hard, 6 is hard … but I have SO many friends who have said that this 2-almost-3 + just-turned-3 stage is the worst stage of a kid’s parent’s life. And I believe them.

WHY WON’T SHE EAT ANYTHING ANYMORE?

I truly want to skip over the next few months and work our way into three-and-three-quarters, please.

IF SHE COMES OUT OF HER ROOM AT NIGHT ONE MORE TIME, I’M GOING TO PUT A DEADBOLT ON THE OUTSIDE OF HER DOOR!

Anyway.

Isn’t this a peaceful picture?

Let’s take a closer look.

Arms are crossed. Pouting lip fully extended. Tears inevitable. Because I wouldn’t let her jump into the fast-moving river and pet the ducks. The horror!

But then there are moments … wonderful wonderful moments … when the stars align and earth is rotating at just the right speed …

And I say to myself, “Man. I am so lucky.”

And then she whines at me to quit talking to myself.

Some days, I go through my uploaded pictures in Lightroom and reject all of them.

And then some days, I can’t help it … I catch my breath.

The hair blowing in the wind. The framing of the shelter she was sitting under. The symmetric trees in the background. Her. She just takes my breath away.

And then mere minutes later, she shows up with this.

A tadpole!!!

[cue sanitizing gel]

Ken was playing tennis, and one of his teammates brought his kids. Emma immediately said, “Can I go play with them?” And off she went.

The little boy was busy digging for tadpoles the entire time, but when they weren’t running obstacle courses and drinking 8 gallons of water from the water fountain, the girl shared her Nintendo DS with Emma.

I actually learned a lesson or two from this 8-year old. She was so patient with Emma, and when Emma wanted to play this one game over and over and over and over again, the sweet girl just sat there and said, “Okay. That’s my favorite game, too.”

Unlike me, who sometimes gets so tired of Emma playing the same games over and over and over that I hide them way up high in the hall closet.

She also sat and showed Emma how to play different games, how to change the settings, how to make different shapes – and never once did she get exasperated with Emma’s lack of patience.

And when her and her brother wanted to do an obstacle course, but Emma took off running instead, they didn’t yell at her to come back and do what THEY wanted to do – they just shrugged and ran after her.

Yes, I could definitely learn a thing or two from these amazing kids.

Interested in learning more about photography? Want to get everything you can out of your camera? Well, I’m throwing out a challenge over here today.

It was actually a good reminder for myself since I wrote it a few weeks ago and was already getting blah about my photography this year.

Let me also just throw out a blanket apology – for not posting much here, for not posting comments on your blogs, for not being as active on Twitter.

Bottom line? I’m pooped.

Emma has been a little more clingy than usual lately, and it’s taking a lot out of me on a daily basis. I just can’t sit at the computer much without her needing me to do something with her. She’s very needy, very much bored with everything she owns.

Just today, I spent a good 10 minutes getting paints out for her to play with, spreading paper on the floor, getting a cup of rinse water and a towel for drying – and then she painted for, oh, about 4 minutes. And then I cleaned up.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not complaining about her. Just stating the facts of our life right now. She’s two. And she wants to experiment with new things every day. And my job is to take care of her needs. And we’re dealing with it and getting through it. Eventually, we’ll get our groove back, but for now, she needs me more than I need to be online.

emma is about to be 29 months old.

twenty-NINE months on this earth. and i feel like i’ve spent about 3 days with her.

don’t get me wrong, we do everything together. she doesn’t sit in front of the tv and veg all day while i do other things. we play and draw and paint and do puzzles.

we read a lot.

we even clean together.

but there are still hours going by that i can’t account for. at the end of the day, i wonder what happened during her 12 hours of awake time.

the minute i put her down to bed, i miss her. i plan amazing things to do the next day, and then the next day is over, and my list is still sitting there.

life goes by SO fast, and i’m going to miss it if i don’t start living it.

and enjoying the moments i have with her.

because she’ll be going off to college in about 3 minutes.